I didn’t want to write today, not like this, not in this mood. Don’t know what it is this time, maybe I’m getting that famous visit soon and my emotions are just taking over. Whatever it is, as usual I don’t like it. In times like this I think about the worst times, the bad days, mistakes and memories that I’m not so fond of. I’ll never take them back, but it would be good if I could let them go. In times like this I question my current status, wonder where the fuck I really am in my life and where will I be when or if I finally get to a place that I am completely satisfied with. I’m blessed with so much, but my mind is cursed with the thoughts of everything I don’t have, can’t get, and won’t understand! It isn’t really about the money, I have enough to do what I have to and want to do, but what the fuck do I do when what I need and what I want doesn’t have a price.
The choices I made gave me what I have today…the good, the bad, the ugly. No one decided what that would be but me. It’s crazy how I wanted so much to be surrounded by so many, to hear the voices that were familiar to me growing up, and to feel the warmth of a family. Today I just want to be alone; I want to go back to the very life that I left, the grass is the same fucking shade on the other side, if you want me to be honest, it isn’t even real!
I gave everything I had up to go on this journey and after a year and a half on the other side of the world; I would give it all up just the same to go on another one. I’m ready for something different, ready to miss the people I have grown accustom to, ready to find another part of me. I want to learn something new, see things I’ve never seen, live a life that I can write about. I’m just tired of the same fucking shit, every fucking day! Must be growing pains…
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