Miss Independent

I was raised to be an independent woman. I can hold my own, take care of myself and do for me whatever it is that I want or need. I learned this from my mother who’s Ms. Independent herself.

This is a blessing. I am grateful for the ability to work, have my own money and buy my own things. I can be the boss and I can dress nice, and be fancy. I can check my own oil, pump my own gas and change my own tires.
This is also a curse. Sometimes I want to be that girl that has someone to take care of her, not because I need them to, but because I want them to. It’s nice to know that you can wash your own car, but it would be nice just once to have that someone there who’s willing to do it for you, to take care of their girl because that’s just what they do.
When I was younger I always said I want to know how it feels to do it all on my own and once I know I got it then I can be ready for a relationship. Well I’ve done it; I moved out on my own, lived it and know what it takes to make it. But now that I’m ready, I still find myself unable to let go of that control a little and just allow it to happen.
It’s hard for me to just let someone help me or take care of me. I’m not used to having someone open my door because I’ve had to do it on my own for so long that I’m used to doing it myself. I’m not used to having someone say I got that, because usually I’m the one that has it. I wish it was easier for me to ask for help, to let go a little and just say I need you.
I want that now, so bad. I want someone who’s willing to go that extra mile for me, because I already know that I’m willing and able. I want that someone to spoil me and take care of me, to tell me relax ma, I got this.
I need to know that letting someone else do for you sometimes doesn’t make you weak. I have taken on so much over time to a point where I’m exhausted. It’s overwhelming at times how much it takes to do it all on my own. I’m a single mother who works a full time job and goes to school. I’m able to do this on my own, but I don’t want to anymore. For once I want someone to take care of me!