Unglued

I was broken once, thought to be beyond repair but with God by my side I put the pieces back together and though I was no longer perfect, I was okay. I was okay with the new me. A me that had a few scars to show what I had been through, a few more pounds to cushion the blows from when I fell flat on my ass and some insecurities that came to remind me that no one was perfect. My pieces were no longer in sync with one another, but to the untrained eye I was flawless.
You would think that the lessons I had learned would prevent me from going back towards the smoke. I guess it's in me to seek fire, to always attempt to reach the intangible. What is it about love that makes us go against everything we know is right, everything we've learned? What is it about fire that makes you not want to look away even when the heat becomes unbearable?
This flame was so bright, so hot it made me sweat even from a great distance away and still I couldn't turn back. I couldn't call for help, I couldn't find an extinguisher, I had to feel the heat. I needed that burn. I needed to know it was real. The heat has been slowly melting the glue that once held me together. A few of my broken pieces are starting to fall off again. I know that if I don't get out of this fire I will be different, maybe a good different after all sometimes when things melt they become something else...like a caterpillar I could be a butterfly, but I don't know, something tells me this won't be the case.
I don't know if I can be put back together a second time. If I am once again broken or if my pieces melt I'll no longer be the same. Will it make me better or will it make me worse? Will I recover? If I walk away now with the few scars that I already have will I have time to heal? Will I always wonder what the fire would've done if I stayed? I think about you, us, this, every single day. Why can't I just walk away from the fire?