A Dozen Wishes

I just recently started reading “Ashton Ashton, We all fall down”, it’s a blog turned into a book detailing life during a divorce for Jen Ashton. On one of her blog posts she talks about making a dozen wishes with a close friend by writing down the wishes, tying them to a balloon filled with helium and releasing each wish into the air. She described it as a very touching moment for her and her friend. I can only imagine how that must have felt.

We all have wishes throughout our lives, some bigger than others, but wishes none the less. I started to think about my own wishes and what I would’ve wrote down on those cards if it was me releasing those balloons. These are my dozen wishes:

1. I wish to one day be able to forgive Nia’s dad and no longer hold the anger, hurt and betrayal that I feel inside from him.
2. I wish to one day find true love and in that love I hope there is friendship, compassion, communication & understanding
3. I wish that I could be at a happy & healthy weight. I would love to have a hot body, but more importantly I would love to finally understand what I need to do to take care of my self physically, mentally & emotionally
4. I wish my closet was full of Christian Loubutin shoes, Hermes Birkin Bags, and Gucci and Versace clothing (Hey sometimes you gotta wish a little selfishly!)
5. I wish I was financially stable and settled in my own home with my own schedule and my own family.
6. I wish I knew what the future holds for me & you! I’m more of a pessimist when it comes to things like these, but it would be nice if I knew that one day We would happen J
7. I wish I could solve my friends and some of my family’s problems. I hurt when they hurt, it would be nice to put a smile in there to replace the frowns. I’d find my mom a genuine friend, I’d help my brother laugh again, I’d help my friend Jade be excited about each day, I’d help my friend Derrick provide for his family the way he wants to, I’d help my friend Shawn get the recognition I know he so well deserves, I’d help my friend Perry find true love that is both honest and receptive.
8. I wish to one day be happily married with two more kids J We might not be rich, but if we’re happy that is worth so much more to me
9. Not to sound like Celo, but I wish I was a little bit taller lol, awwwe shit while we at it I wish my boobs were a cup or two smaller, the tummy was flatter & the gluteus was fatter ha!
10. I wish I didn’t fall so easily. I try to guard my heart, but I swear sometimes you just meet people that break down all barriers.
11. I wish that my daughter will grow up to be happy, healthy & smart. I know that she will face challenges and learn lessons, but I hope that I am there to guide her and that she’ll always know that I love her. I love you Nia B!
12. For my last wish, I will follow Jen & say I wish for death. Death of all things negative in my life: Negative Thoughts, Negative People, Negative Situations, and Negative Energy!

 After writing down these wishes I’ve realized just how much my life has changed and how much I’ve grown. I didn’t think I’d be wishing for some of these things at first. Most people would wish for things that have already happened to not happen or for more material items. I have always been able to look at my past as a necessary experience in order to better my future. There has been so much hurt, but I’m okay and I think because I know that I can bounce back from almost anything, I don’t regret the things that have happened. Why wish for more time to make things better when you can change how they are today. The relationships that I have had that I wish were better, I am working on them now. There are people who I was once close to that are no longer in my life and though some days I miss the memories they represent, I know that they are no longer there for a reason. I could not  be happier about the person I have become. I’m proud of myself, it took me 28 years to reach to this level. I no longer need validation to feel this way.