Change is constant, it has always been. No matter how far back I take it or how close to yesterday I stay, I will see that many things have changed from then until now. If you know me well then you’ll know that I’m not a big fan of change. While I do find it necessary, I also find that it scares me. A lot has changed for me since 2010 started and quite a few things have stayed the same. My fear of the unknown is one of those that have remained permanently in my mind like the news of a child’s death to his mother.
I have so many opportunities coming up and I fear that I won’t take them because I am too afraid to fail. The thing is that I hardly fail at anything I do. I started school again and have managed to stay on the deans list for the year that I have been enrolled. I applied for a position and competed with over 10 people and was chosen. I am a single mother who’s managed to provide any and everything for my daughter with little to no help from others. And yet with a track record for success I am still no more confident today than I was yesterday about taking that leap towards something new.
I am involved the start up of a new entertainment company and I am scared to death of the challenges that will come as a result, but lately I have been pushing myself and for this I am proud. Baby steps I guess and when I think about it, you can only take baby steps for so long before you either fall back or start to run. I am hoping for the latter.
I was encouraged yesterday to apply for a new position with my company. This will mean better benefits, more pay and off course more experience in the field that I am studying. I started to think about how my current boss will feel and how I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings if I get the position and have to leave. It’s crazy I know, but I am always putting others before me and very seldom do they do the same. I have to think that this is about me & Nia, not about anyone else. I am going to apply today and I am praying that this change is for the better.
I’m not sure why I get like this because most of the things that haven’t changed are things that need to. Everything that was negative in my life before has changed and for that I am so happy. At the time I didn’t want it to be different, but now that it is I understand why it had to be. Friends changed, relationships changed, I changed and it’s all good. Everyone and everything is evolving around me. I need to take action and follow suit. Here’s to change good or bad, I know I’ll be able to handle it!
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