ANOTHER DAY

It’s just another day like yesterday was to today and today will be for tomorrow. Like Christmas and Valentine’s Day & Halloween, a day made more for the benefit of retail than for us to share our love. Father’s Day, just like Mother’s Day is just another day, right?

My Face Book timeline was swamped with equal amounts of well wishes and disses. It’s funny how on Mother’s day no one side bars their status with “for all the real mother’s out there”. I guess it’s a given that if you gave birth and chose to raise your kid then you deserve props, never mind all the shitty mother’s that do exist. We don’t focus on that, we focus on the dead beat dads because it’s easier for them to walk out and forget that they have a responsibility. It’s easier to blame them when our son’s are out here killing each other and when they don’t know how to treat a lady.
Yesterday was hard for me, not because of my father although he hasn’t been the greatest person in my life. I still have unresolved issues and blame and hurt and wonder why I couldn’t be daddy’s girl forever instead of when it was convenient for him. I could blame him for this one, but it wasn’t because of him.
I have grown a lot since those days and I have learned to forgive and yes forget the hurt. I am learning to move on and worry about today and try to build whatever relationship we are supposed to have. It has become a little easier now that I have let go of all the resentment and started taking accountability in my own hands instead of relying on his faults to get me through my self pitying moments, but I digress…
The hardest part of waking up on Sunday, Father’s Day was knowing that Nia doesn’t have that someone to hug or make a card for or sit on their lap and get tickled and laugh with. Yes I am lucky that my dad is their to be grandpa and my best friend Shawn loves her like his own, but her father, the man who should care more than any other man in the world doesn’t and I can’t understand that.
I hate when people say that she’s better off without him and that she doesn’t need him in her life because as much as we try to sugar coat and take on the role of both mother and father, we can’t do it all. I can’t teach her the things that she needs to learn from her father. I can’t be the number one man in her life so that when she does get older and start dating she looks for a man who’s just as good as or even better than that. How do I explain to her that he just didn’t want to be there, that he didn’t care? How do I tell her that he lives with his first daughter and takes care of her, but doesn’t even take five minutes out of his day to call her? How do I make her feel better when she starts feeling like she wasn’t good enough? She doesn’t need someone like that in her life, but she does! She needs her father and I can’t give her that! I HATE FATHER’S DAY, but I won’t blame the good ones for the assholes who chose to walk out, so my status said nothing...just like her father!